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Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder why I spend so much time and invest considerable resources into my artistic expressions. I would like to think of myself as generous, and there is a kind of generosity that is intrinsic to any creative expression. But I know that the impetus to create is, for me at least, quite selfish. I want to know who I am and creating is a way to find out. Every crack in my voice tells a story about my life, what influenced me and changed me, how I adapted, why in some ways it's still so hard to release my voice and really sing. As a performing artist there is really no way to separate myself from my work so it's impossible not to confront myself at every turn. And I, somehow, require that confrontation, that challenge. Even if, weary and dispirited, I seek a kind of solace in practice or the ritual of writing songs (for example), what I find there frequently provokes, prods, or even breaks me open in ways that nothing else can. And I need that for healing and growth as a human being. So even if my work never makes its way to anyone else, I still feel compelled to create.

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